Remembering Jackie

The kids are finally asleep and my daughter is curled up at the foot of our bed with our cat Hobbes, both snoring so softly and rythmically it shouldn’t be called snoring - maybe snuffling. Today was Amelia’s 6th birthday party, and I’ve finally turned on my computer after a day of Luau and poolside splashing, Tiki beach and coconut monkey.

So, there was this moment, I was far enough away (literal and metaphor) from the hijinx in the water, and I was just looking at Amelia play with her friends in the pool – her eyes caught mine, brightened wide, and she begun the kind of smile that triggers…

I cry once a year. On Mothers Day. This year its Memorial Day and Dad is visiting - memories flood too. Mom’s war was against an unknowable and unrelenting cancer. Not quite as ghostly, pointless and Faithless as a war against fellow humans – but my mom lost her war against cancer 6 years ago. Something to remember at a 6th birthday party. And everything I am today was influenced by my mom.

Where my dad has always been a believer and unquestioned supporter despite my failures (actually I think because of them), my mom was the Teacher. She was a skeptic deep down, she was the voice of some reason, but charged and toned with emotion. 

Where Dad taught Todd and I Wonder and What If, Mom was focused on the links that connected us: math and music, art and ideas. 

For me personally, Mom taught me that in the right sequence these links could form a chain – one so strong that it could brighten a child’s day, or one so shackling it could destroy a civilization. 

And which is more important. 

She planted these seeds and I hope she can somehow see the trees they’ve become, and under whose shade her grandchildren now sit and enjoy. My hope is that my children end up seeing me the same way I only lately have come to see my Mom and Dad. 

It’s what I thought I saw in Amelia’s eyes this afternoon.

Thank you Mom for that warmth, the world is a little colder without. I wrote a poem for the invitation to Mom’s “Remembering Jackie” party six years ago. I can’t seem to find it now, and I certainly no longer have the computer on which it was written. If anyone does have it, please send. So Thankful.

Another year, the breeze pauses and then picks up again, a little cooler still. And, for me, Mom’s voice too is a little quieter: “Stephen, put your jacket on”. Yes, Mom, I did.

1. Get and stay out of your comfort zone.   I believe that not much happens of any significance when we're in our comfort zone.  I hear people say, "But I'm concerned about security."  My response to that is simple: "Security is for cadavers."

2. Never give up.   Almost nothing works the first time it's attempted.  Just because what you're doing does not seem to be working, doesn't mean it won't work.  It just means that it might not work the way you're doing it.  If it was easy, everyone would be doing it, and you wouldn't have an opportunity.

3. When you're ready to quit, you're closer than you think.   There's an old Chinese saying that I just love, and I believe it is so true.  It goes like this: "The temptation to quit will be greatest just before you are about to succeed."

4. With regard to whatever worries you, not only accept the worst thing that could happen, but make it a point to quantify what the worst thing could be.   Very seldom will the worst consequence be anywhere near as bad as a cloud of "undefined consequences."  My father would tell me early on, when I was struggling and losing my shirt trying to get Parsons Technology going, "Well, Robert, if it doesn't work, they can't eat you."

5. Focus on what you want to have happen.   Remember that old saying, "As you think, so shall you be."

6. Take things a day at a time.   No matter how difficult your situation is, you can get through it if you don't look too far into the future, and focus on the present moment.  You can get through anything one day at a time.

7. Always be moving forward.   Never stop investing.  Never stop improving.  Never stop doing something new.  (Ok, that's like 4, maybe this should have been a list of 20)  The moment you stop improving your organization, it starts to die.  Make it your goal to be better each and every day, in some small way.  Remember the Japanese concept of Kaizen.  Small daily improvements eventually result in huge advantages.

8. Be quick to decide.   Remember what General George S. Patton said: "A good plan violently executed today is far and away better than a perfect plan tomorrow."

9. Measure everything of significance.   I swear this is true.  Anything that is measured and watched, improves.

10. Anything that is not managed will deteriorate.   If you want to uncover problems you don't know about, take a few moments and look closely at the areas you haven't examined for a while.  I guarantee you problems will be there.

11. Pay attention to your competitors, but pay more attention to what you're doing.   When you look at your competitors, remember that everything looks perfect at a distance. Even the planet Earth, if you get far enough into space, looks like a peaceful place.

12. Never let anybody push you around.   In our society, with our laws and even playing field, you have just as much right to what you're doing as anyone else, provided that what you're doing is legal.

13. Never expect life to be fair.   Life isn't fair.  You make your own breaks.  You'll be doing good if the only meaning fair has to you, is something that you pay when you get on a bus (i.e., fare).

14. Solve your own problems.   You'll find that by coming up with your own solutions, you'll develop a competitive edge.  Masura Ibuka, the co-founder of SONY, said it best: "You never succeed in technology, business, or anything by following the others."  There's also an old Asian saying that I remind myself of frequently.  It goes like this: "A wise man keeps his own counsel."

15. Don't take yourself too seriously.   Lighten up.  Often, at least half of what we accomplish is due to luck. None of us are in control as much as we like to think we are.

16. There's always a reason to smile.   Find it.  After all, you're really lucky just to be alive.  Life is short.  More and more, I agree with my little brother. He always reminds me: "We're not here for a long time, we're here for a good time!"

Referenced from GoDaddy CEO's 16 Rules.